Social Distancing: Day 1

Breathe. Be still. Be Gentle.

This is the message that came to me as I sank into the couch at the end of our first Monday home as a family of five; the first day that, for me, the full reality of social distancing is sinking in.

In my work as a doula, I am a calm and reassuring presence. I give big hugs and tell moms that they're doing a great job (because they are!). I have answers, and I have all the love to give.

At home, I'm like every other mom--Equal parts confident and uncertain--just trying to do my imperfect best on this wild ride, and these unprecedented times are making the ride a little wilder, the uncertain a lot stronger.

I'm the mother who has worked fiercely to create a schedule that includes time alone for me to recharge my introverted soul and to strengthen my body through exercise, and I see that slipping away. I fear falling back into the state of total depletion that I lived in until about a year ago.

I am the mother whose children love me so dearly, they follow me to any nook or cranny of my house where I may be hiding, to sit with me, or ask me for something, while my husband watches TV undisturbed.

I am the mother who passive-aggressively heaves two overflowing baskets of clean laundry onto the table for my husband to fold, then locks myself in the bathroom to take a shower, and to go on Facebook to find solidarity with other moms.

I am the mother who plays cards with my kids, creates "morning writing time," complete with classical music and essential oils, shows live Facebook videos from the Cincinnatti zoo, reads aloud, and takes them outdoors, yet somehow still feels like they were bored and I should have done more--Or maybe I just should have done it all with more joy and less frazzled-ness.

So breathe. Be still. Be gentle. Be gentle on the children, who usually love structure, even if they don't know it, and whose world is also turning upside down. Most of all, be gentle on yourself. You're doing your imperfect best in a crazy world, and you are doing a great job. WE are doing a great job.